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September 4th, 2011
04:17 AM ET

Is Marriage for White People?

The author of a contentious book on African Americans and marriage sits down with TJ Holmes.

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Filed under: CNN Newsroom
soundoff (35 Responses)
  1. Tina

    I wish America would abandon its love affair with black relationships, black women and men. It imposes itself into our private lives which is violating and apauling. Discussions, books, gossip, and news attention on the black marriage rate or black women's marriage rate will not change matters at all. People will end up with and seek who they truly want to be with. The game of love is not fair and it will always be imbalanced. If black women truly want to venture out they will slowly do it on their own terms without being advised or admonished by figures, authors, comedians, etc. This is also true with those who prefer to stay within. They should stop professing their desire for their own as it kills natural attraction for each other. Even I'm turned off and haven't dated within the black race in years. But, I agree that black people need to go their separate ways for a while because the relationship we have at this time is unhealthy, needy and dependent. If black women are hesitant to date out then they should consider leaving the country altogether. Exposure to other places will let them know that they are human, not just "black women," which I believe is how they feel living in this country, whether they should or not.

    September 4, 2011 at 12:42 pm |
  2. LaQuisha

    Time and again, black people are proving that they are different and demand their own set of rules. There is so much opporunity to return to the impoverished countries of Africa and rebuild their home countries. We need to stop whining and stand up and do it right!

    September 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm |
  3. Leo

    At least you straight folks CAN legally get married. What you do with that, of course, is up to you.

    September 26, 2011 at 5:06 pm |
  4. PhoenixAlly

    African Americans are more similar to other Americans in culture and attitude than they are to black people in other parts of the world. Sadly many Americans are close-minded, selfish and xenophobic. I never saw the kind of discord in the country of my birth. Obviously there is a painful history in America but the racism really goes beyond what you can blame on history. America is an example of a people that have so much and yet so little.

    September 26, 2011 at 9:45 pm |
  5. x

    What this segment fails to address is the lack of willingness of men from other races to marry black women. It is not just about black women only wanting to date black men, it is also about options. And black women have way less than Asian, or Hispanic or other visible minorities.

    September 28, 2011 at 3:17 am |
  6. Meh

    By this logic, white men (the most statistically educated, successful and priviligedged people in America) should only marry other white men. I mean, according to this guy, "attraction" is merely a matter of context.

    September 28, 2011 at 10:36 am |
  7. Andrew

    These stories always ignore the elephant in the room. Black women are not exactly being hit on by every white, asian, and latino man they see. This article seems to want to ignore the fact that many men feel black women are too hot headed or are just not attractive to them. CNN would never tell you that though, the truth.

    September 30, 2011 at 9:34 am |
  8. MsKira

    As a black & chinese woman, I know that many black women do not date outside of their race, they should start exploring that. Many men of other races are interested in black women but feel that it is a one sided idea versus mutual. Due to media Black women are also portrayed as hot headed, mean, over sexual so unfortunately many people hold all black women to these stereotypes. Due to single mother epidemic many black women have learned and mastered the art of being alone and still being successful and are less likely to settle or marry out of financial need or necessity. There are many reasons but I think the real thing here is in America social norms are changing, values are changing and marriage is on the decline across the board... People don't believe in marriage like they used too. Even in the past many women got married because they had to or it was expected that is the truth now women have choices. We know that Asian and Hispanics tend to marry early and stay married but amongst white people what is the divorce rate? It is very high so they are getting married on a larger scale but they are also getting divorced on a very large scale so is that really better??? Some people don't think so and they just decide why get married to get divorced?

    September 30, 2011 at 10:25 am |
  9. Imperfik

    The issue of race is an issue in this country because this is the most rascist and race concious country in the world.
    I travel all over the world and see people of color...of every color married and in mixed relationships with black people.
    The issue in America is an issue of "white guilt". White americans have terrible guilt about how they have treated Black Americans so they assume we spend all our time hating them. Not true. We spend our time trying to figure out how to educate and feed our children just like everyone else int this world. This is difficult for us as a group because YOU all spend your time
    trying to figure out how to keep us out of everything and then justify your actions with some crap about how inferior we are and how superior you are. But what it is YOUR guilt for the hate and mistreatment and racism you have heaped upon us.

    The same White men who would not date a Black woman in America, no matter what she looks like, I see in Africa, Brazil, France, Great Briton, etc, dating them, marrying them and walking down the street with their six kids. They can do that when they can claim you are something else....french, Brazilian, Spanish....while you look just like the diverse population of Black women in America.

    Black men are marrying White women in record numbers .... so BLACK Women.... learn a language....leave this country and go
    where men marry women they fall in love with and aren't worried about what teir friends on the golf course think. Travel to France where you wil see Real Africans intermarried with whites everywhere.

    October 2, 2011 at 5:26 am |
  10. Imperfik

    Most of the Black women I know in Successful marriages are married to men of Italian and Jewish decent....many from outside of this country.

    This not about hating Black men, We have brothers, faters and sons. We want them to be happy, loved and respected. We deserve the same.

    October 2, 2011 at 5:32 am |
  11. Scott

    I agree there are social issues with being black, but as long as people identify with black or white or rich or poor before they identify as being human, then relationships will never attain a level playing field. I love being "color-blind" in regards to stereotyping and judgement (not quite possible, but a goal to strive for), and be a color (and character(race, creed, sex, etc.) lover. To not judge and limit by color, but to celebrate the differences in people as something beautiful. I don't believe in the whole "created equal" hogwash, my IQ isn't 180, so some folk are smarter than me, I can't sing like Josh Grogan (drat), and I'm not as good looking as Michael Jordan, but I am me with things that are good (I'm a musician for one), but I do believe we are each "valuable" and worthy of love and respect. Until this is sought, all that people are looking for is superiority. Once we seek to lift one another up with respect and dignity, then and only then will we start to experience equality. A dear friend once told me. Until we can see the beauty that only a blind man can see, we are only seeing a veneer. Smart guy my friend, I agree with him. Do you?

    October 3, 2011 at 5:02 pm |
  12. Red Pill

    This is really racist.
    How can he say a whole group does not measure up? I am college educated.
    What is he talking about "put down the struggle"? During slavery we were all in it together. Civil rights, we were there together. How can you say give up? We most certainly did not.
    That man is disgusting and is no brother of mine.

    January 2, 2012 at 2:38 pm |
  13. Truth

    Why is our group getting os much attention? I dont see anyone focusing on anyone aside from black people. Why are we so news worthy? CNN, whats the agenda?

    January 2, 2012 at 2:40 pm |
  14. Red Pill

    Imperfect, you are incorrect and really need to learn history. Racism and slavery is beyond america. Just about ALL th Euro nations took part in it. Stuff your mouth and do not utter such dribble as "its just in America".

    January 2, 2012 at 2:44 pm |
  15. Imperfik

    Red Pill....I know history. You are the stupid one. Re read what I wrote you moron. I'm not talking about slavery I am talking about what goes on in America. We are the MOST rascist and race concious country in
    the world and we take hatred every where we go. And where is there any part of my comment that says "it's just in America" you IDIOT?

    January 27, 2012 at 9:49 pm |
  16. yeah ok again!

    Here we go again a nation of monsters! Lets play games oh I'm so and so let me get married to so and so. Let me get a job BECAUSE I'M THIS SKIN COLOR AND THIS AND THAT. oH I DON'T JUDGE. Sick, sick, sick, sick sick sick sick. Oh and the #1 thing that completly sickens me literally every effin day! Society wants this so you have to date me because your STEREOTYPED AS THIS THIS THIS JUST BECAUSE! go away go away go away and away! I live my life the way I WANT IT AS A WOMAN, DAUGHTER AND MY OWN FRIEND. bECAUSE the people are ruining this Country daily because certain people (like myself) can't say ANYTHING. SOCIALLY SICK WORLD.

    May 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm |
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